President Bush’s morning security briefing is wrapping up. Donald Rumsfeld is concluding his part and says, “Finally, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday near Baghdad.”
“OH MY GOD!” shrieks Bush, and he buries his head in his hands for a seemingly interminable 30 seconds. Stunned at the unexpected display of emotion, the
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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great […]
Q: What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis?
A: You don’t have to beg your girlfriend to blow your paycheck.
A man was sent to prison and placed in a cell with a huge, burly guy. When lights-out occurred, the big guy got out of his bunk and said to Hoffman,
“We’re going to have sex! You want to be the Mommie or the Daddie?”
the very terrified man replied,
“Uh, well, I guess I’ll […]
Why do rednecks do it doggy style?
So they can both watch the race!!!!
Here’s to the girl named Louise
Who’s pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!
The teacher walked into the classroom to find the word “penis” chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn’t say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class. But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again - “penis”, this […]
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, ‘I wish I had bigger tits’. The boyfriend says ‘well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months’. ‘How will that help to make my tits bigger?’ asks the girlfriend.
‘Well it worked […]
Two lawyers were walking down Rodeo Drive, and saw a beautiful model walking towards them. “What a babe,” one said, “I’d sure like to fuck her!”
“Really?” the other responded, “Out of what?”
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, “You need to stop masturbating.”
The guy replies, “Why Doc? Am I going blind?”
The doctor says, “No, but you’re upsetting the other patients in […]
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly’. Your wife, on the other hand, answered ’several times a night’.”
“That’s right,” replies the bloke, “And that’s how […]
A bloke is sat at a bar when he sees this gorgeous woman waiting for her date. He decides to go over and chat her up.
‘I think you’re wasting your time, I’m only interested in women’ said the woman.
‘Oh come on, I bet I can change your mind’ said the bloke. After ten […]
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. “Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?” “Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?” “Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what’s the relationship […]
A man walks into a watch and clock store, unzips his trousers and slaps his cock on the counter. The woman behind the counter doesn’t bat an eyelid. She looks him straight in the eye and says “Put that away Sir, this is a clock shop - not a cock shop!” “Well,” replies the man, […]
Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having an On-Line Affair
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
6. He’s gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand. […]