The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session.
Mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak…..
Mother Superior: “A sinful deed was committed here, yesterday.”
99 nuns: “Oh, no!”
1 nun: “Hee, Hee, Hee!”
Mother Superior: “Today I found a pair of men`s […]

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds ” My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?”
The husband replies “Well not exactly, it’s her that suffers not me.”

A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, “Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water.”
She replied, “but honey I do not have a headache!”
He replied, “Thank God!”

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?”
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!”
“Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up […]

A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some.
“How hard is it?” she asked.
“About as hard as my dick,” he replies.
To which the woman replied, “OK, then pour me some!”

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”
She responds, “No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: “Honey, I’m home.”

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one.
“Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”

Doctor, doctor, please kiss me,” says the patient.
“No, I’m sorry, that would be against the code of ethics,” says the doctor.
Ten minutes later the patient says: “Doctor, please, kiss me just once.”
“No, I’m sorry, I just can’t” he says.
Five minutes later, she asks again: “Please, please kiss me!”
“Look,” says the doctor, “it’s out of the […]